Tuesday 22 October 2013

Dear Future Husband

As you know I'm an actor and most of my work is in the theatre, so that means the horrendous tech week...

At the moment I'm in a dressing room in the middle of tech week and it dawned on me I should probably explain tech week to you so that you will understand why you will not see for about a week.

Tech week is the week before an audience comes in and sees our show, so its the week where we try and put lights,sound and costumes together. In short its a living nightmare.

Its 12 hours everyday, 12 hours of stopping and starting and sitting around.....so you see this does not make for a happy human.

I will leave home early and come home late, you will hardly see me. I also will be non responsive to emails, texts and calls because my brain will be focused on the show, if you manage to have one coherent conversation with me during tech week , you should count yourself VERY LUCKY.

So beware you will have to enjoy your own company, sort out your own meals and basically just take care of yourself.

My advice go out and play golf, go visit with friends,think of it as your boys week....my careers gift to you ;-)

Sincerely,
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

As you can see I moved all my letters from the previous site to this new one.

I hope you take the time to read through all of them again to just refresh your memory.

Love,
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I grew up watching stuff like “The Nanny” and “The West Wing” and “Jerry Maguire”  where I met and fell in love with A+ couples like Nanny Fine and Mistah Sheffield or Jed and Abbey Bartlet…do you see where i’m going with this?
Despite my “devil may care” attitude towards love, I am in fact at my very core a romantic at heart!
of course like all woman I love to be wined and dined but what I REALLY want is someone to have a conversation with.
I dont want diamonds and champagne-though they would be nice- I want WORDS!!!
I want someone who wants to talk about history or politics or the bloody neighbours cat, not someone who comes home and turns on the television. I want to discuss books and poetry with you,i want to have intelligent arguments, not just an argument where we see who can say “Fuck” the most.
In short I want someone with whom I can share a sort of Sorkinequse repartee.
I see many people rolling their eyes thinking “this woman is crazy, that kind of relationship doesn’t exist” but you see they’re wrong because it does exist, do you think people write this kind of stuff for TV by themselves?NO! they’ve all experienced it which is why they write about it and why we have such rich romantic characters like the Sheffields and the Bartlets!
so my darling future husband,I would encourage you to read all you can and to take an interest in the world around you so that you are fully prepared for the intelligent, witty,adoring and loving adventure that will be our marriage!
Sincerely
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I recently watched a TV show where this couple argued over who slept on what side of the bed and it occured to me that in order to avoid an argument, we should just sort the sleeping arrangments out once and for all.
I sleep on the left hand side of the bed and well…thats that!
I wish there was some special reason why I need to sleep on the left but there isn’t, I have always slept on the left, its just the way its been for the last 24 years.
Now of course if you are a left side sleeper than I am willing to compromise, so everytime we go away or sleep in a bed thats not ours, you are more than welcome to sleep on the left-see what I did there? I just ensured more holidays for us-I think that is a fair compromise.
If you are a right side sleeper, then well we’ll have no problem then will we?, though of course a holiday here and there to shake sleeping arrangments up a bit wouldn’t go unappreciated.
Sincrerely
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I feel the need to warn you that the neighbours will be talking about us….no, not because of THAT ;-)
As you know I’m an actor, so obviously my job requires me to leave home in the late afternoon and then return late at night or if I’m going to a casting really early in the morning.
It has been my experience that I leave home in a casual outfit with no make-up and flat shoes, but I somehow always return in a different outfit, wearing make-up and Heels………and yes the neighbours do talk!
I live in the suburbs and whenever I leave I can always see “Mrs Smith” peering out of her window, just longing to know what I’m getting up too.
But rest assured my darling, the men on the street will love you and the woman will worry about you so they’ll fuss over you, so basically it’s a win-win for you.
Don’t worry about me,  I’m used to it I can deal with it, I just didn’t want you to be alarmed when we’re suddenly the talk of the street….However since I’m not really a “Suburbs” kinda gal, maybe we should just live in the city where the doorman will be the only yenta around?…….
Sincerely
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I think it’s very important for you to know that I really hope you are NOT an actor-unless of course you’re Clooney, well then you could own Hollywood for all I care-but in the event that you are NOT Clooney, I really hope that you are not an actor, in fact I’d really like it if you weren’t in the entertainment industry at all. But before you and others raise protest let me explain: I am friends with many “acting “couples, so I’ve got a front row seat to these relationships and let me tell you it’s not pretty, two very passionate and overly dramatic people trying to navigate the choppy waters of a relationships makes for lots of arguments, now granted the make-up sex I’m told is brilliant, but seriously do we have to endure a world war to have great sex? I don’t think so. So these couples fight and make up and fight and make up and just writing about it is exhausting me. 

Of course there is the odd 1% who manage to make it work, but I’ve never been in the favourable 1% and I don’t feel like taking a risk. No, I would much prefer it if you were in a business trade, I’m not saying you’ve got to be a wall street exec-though of course that wouldn’t hurt- but I do think it’s best for our sanity if you were in another trade. 

Of course, since I am an actor, it’s important that you have some appreciation for my craft in the same way that I appreciate yours, it’s also important that you understand my schedule is not a 9-5(see a previous post for reference) but that you accept it, as I will no doubt accept your frequent business trips. 

Now of course there will be a group who will be up in arms about my thinking, but Darling, you’ve got to trust me on this. Sincerely Tarryn P.S You better not be a sportsman again I refer to a previous post for reference.

Dear Future Husband

I hope that you are capable of making a wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast, because I assure you I will want, no not want I will NEED it some mornings when like a friend has said “breakfast is indeed the answer”. 

Please note that I take tea-no milk two sugars- with my breakfast and not the standard coffee, I also like my toast to be golden , I would like to see that its bread and not a burnt piece of parchment. I also will only eat back bacon, please DO NOT give me streaky bacon! Also the eggs should be flipped over. I promise you, you will be greatly rewarded if this is how you wake me up ;-) If you do not know how to cook, well I suggest you quickly find out….. 

Sincerely Tarryn