Dear Future Husband

As you know I'm an actor and most of my work is in the theatre, so that means the horrendous tech week...

At the moment I'm in a dressing room in the middle of tech week and it dawned on me I should probably explain tech week to you so that you will understand why you will not see for about a week.

Tech week is the week before an audience comes in and sees our show, so its the week where we try and put lights,sound and costumes together. In short its a living nightmare.

Its 12 hours everyday, 12 hours of stopping and starting and sitting around.....so you see this does not make for a happy human.

I will leave home early and come home late, you will hardly see me. I also will be non responsive to emails, texts and calls because my brain will be focused on the show, if you manage to have one coherent conversation with me during tech week , you should count yourself VERY LUCKY.

So beware you will have to enjoy your own company, sort out your own meals and basically just take care of yourself.

My advice go out and play golf, go visit with friends,think of it as your boys week....my careers gift to you ;-)

Sincerely,
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I grew up watching stuff like “The Nanny” and “The West Wing” and “Jerry Maguire”  where I met and fell in love with A+ couples like Nanny Fine and Mistah Sheffield or Jed and Abbey Bartlet…do you see where i’m going with this?

Despite my “devil may care” attitude towards love, I am in fact at my very core a romantic at heart!

of course like all woman I love to be wined and dined but what I REALLY want is someone to have a conversation with.

I dont want diamonds and champagne-though they would be nice- I want WORDS!!!

I want someone who wants to talk about history or politics or the bloody neighbours cat, not someone who comes home and turns on the television. I want to discuss books and poetry with you,i want to have intelligent arguments, not just an argument where we see who can say “Fuck” the most.

In short I want someone with whom I can share a sort of Sorkinequse repartee.

I see many people rolling their eyes thinking “this woman is crazy, that kind of relationship doesn’t exist” but you see they’re wrong because it does exist, do you think people write this kind of stuff for TV by themselves?NO! they’ve all experienced it which is why they write about it and why we have such rich romantic characters like the Sheffields and the Bartlets!

so my darling future husband,I would encourage you to read all you can and to take an interest in the world around you so that you are fully prepared for the intelligent, witty,adoring and loving adventure that will be our marriage!

Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I recently watched a TV show where this couple argued over who slept on what side of the bed and it occured to me that in order to avoid an argument, we should just sort the sleeping arrangments out once and for all.

I sleep on the left hand side of the bed and well…thats that!

I wish there was some special reason why I need to sleep on the left but there isn’t, I have always slept on the left, its just the way its been for the last 24 years.

Now of course if you are a left side sleeper than I am willing to compromise, so everytime we go away or sleep in a bed thats not ours, you are more than welcome to sleep on the left-see what I did there? I just ensured more holidays for us-I think that is a fair compromise.

If you are a right side sleeper, then well we’ll have no problem then will we?, though of course a holiday here and there to shake sleeping arrangments up a bit wouldn’t go unappreciated.

Sincrerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I feel the need to warn you that the neighbours will be talking about us….no, not because of THAT ;-)

As you know I’m an actor, so obviously my job requires me to leave home in the late afternoon and then return late at night or if I’m going to a casting really early in the morning.

It has been my experience that I leave home in a casual outfit with no make-up and flat shoes, but I somehow always return in a different outfit, wearing make-up and Heels………and yes the neighbours do talk!

I live in the suburbs and whenever I leave I can always see “Mrs Smith” peering out of her window, just longing to know what I’m getting up too.

But rest assured my darling, the men on the street will love you and the woman will worry about you so they’ll fuss over you, so basically it’s a win-win for you.

Don’t worry about me,  I’m used to it I can deal with it, I just didn’t want you to be alarmed when we’re suddenly the talk of the street….However since I’m not really a “Suburbs” kinda gal, maybe we should just live in the city where the doorman will be the only yenta around?…….

Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I think it’s very important for you to know that I really hope you are NOT an actor-unless of course you’re Clooney, well then you could own Hollywood for all I care-but in the event that you are NOT Clooney, I really hope that you are not an actor, in fact I’d really like it if you weren’t in the entertainment industry at all. But before you and others raise protest let me explain: I am friends with many “acting “couples, so I’ve got a front row seat to these relationships and let me tell you it’s not pretty, two very passionate and overly dramatic people trying to navigate the choppy waters of a relationships makes for lots of arguments, now granted the make-up sex I’m told is brilliant, but seriously do we have to endure a world war to have great sex? I don’t think so. So these couples fight and make up and fight and make up and just writing about it is exhausting me. 

Of course there is the odd 1% who manage to make it work, but I’ve never been in the favourable 1% and I don’t feel like taking a risk. No, I would much prefer it if you were in a business trade, I’m not saying you’ve got to be a wall street exec-though of course that wouldn’t hurt- but I do think it’s best for our sanity if you were in another trade. 

Of course, since I am an actor, it’s important that you have some appreciation for my craft in the same way that I appreciate yours, it’s also important that you understand my schedule is not a 9-5(see a previous post for reference) but that you accept it, as I will no doubt accept your frequent business trips. 

Now of course there will be a group who will be up in arms about my thinking, but Darling, you’ve got to trust me on this. Sincerely Tarryn P.S You better not be a sportsman again I refer to a previous post for reference.

Dear Future Husband

I hope that you are capable of making a wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast, because I assure you I will want, no not want I will NEED it some mornings when like a friend has said “breakfast is indeed the answer”. 

Please note that I take tea-no milk two sugars- with my breakfast and not the standard coffee, I also like my toast to be golden , I would like to see that its bread and not a burnt piece of parchment. I also will only eat back bacon, please DO NOT give me streaky bacon! Also the eggs should be flipped over. I promise you, you will be greatly rewarded if this is how you wake me up ;-) If you do not know how to cook, well I suggest you quickly find out….. 

Sincerely Tarryn

Dear Future husband

I’m not a pet person, I never had pets growing up (The one dog I did have, nearly killed me-okay not really but I did get a fright-).

BUT: I am happy to compromise and get a dog with you,because I’ve started to become, dare I say it….a dog lover……..

I am happy to get a dog on the following conditions:

1: We MUST adopt the dog from a dog shelter(see www.broadwaybarks.com for the reasoning behind this )

2: I get to choose the name (you’re already letting me name our children, so why not the dog too)

I am not fussy about the breed (but might I suggest a small dog to begin with…?) can I also suggest that maybe we dont get a puppy, I think an older smaller dog will do just fine.

See there we have it, the first compromise of our marriage and it went off without a hitch! I can see we’ll be happy for a long time…..

Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I love watching television as much as the next person, I find it a great source of entertainment, HOWEVER I feel obliged to inform you that I will under no circumstances allow you to put a Television set in our bedroom.

The Bedroom is supposed to be a calming place, a place where you can truely just relax and unwind, its a place where we can sit and talk or read books or….well you know….

The bedroom is NOT the place for you to watch sport nor is it the place for me watch old musicals on TCM, if you are someone who cannot fall asleep without a TV I suggest you fix that problem and quickly!

The same rule applies to laptops and series, while its fine and fun in our singlehood, I assure you it will not be in our marriage.

Of course if you’re home alone or sick in bed entertain yourself by watching series, but not when we’re together, we should be engrossed in each others lives not the lives of ficitional characters.

Sincerely

Tarryn

[Re-post] Dear Future Husband

The Festive season is upon us andI just wanted to let you know a little somthing…

Every year without fail I buy myself an advent calendar, its just something I do, I cannot explain it. I have had advent calendars since I was a child, its tradition and thats that!

However, since I’m now older and wiser I realise that eating chocolates everyday, no matter how small they are might not be the best idea…..however if you were to create an advent calendar for me where instead of chocolates, I found..oh I dont know..Carats, nice shint carats behind each window, I assure you I will be the happiest woman alive.

If you dont want to give me Carats-which by the way are healthy for you!-Feel free to get creative with my advent calendar ;-)

Yours Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

Someone to hold you too close
Someone to hurt you too deep
Someone to sit in your chair
And ruin your sleep
And make you aware of being alive

Someone to need you too much
Someone to know you too well
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell
And give you support for being alive - being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody hold me too close
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me come through
I’ll always be there
As frightened as you of being alive
Being alive, being alive

Someone you have to let in
Someone whose feelings you spare
Someone who, like it or not
Will want you to share a little, a lot of being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive

Somebody crowd me with love
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me come through
I’ll always be there
As frightened as you to help us survive
Being alive, being alive,
Being alive, being alive.

Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I think its important that you know how I behave when I am down with the flu,just so that there are no surprises.

When I have the flu I will suffer for as long as I can before I go to the Dr,it doesn’t matter how many times you tell me to go,my phobia for Drs rooms will prevent me from making that appointment.

I also like to sleep alone,in a big cold bed,so unfortunatly for you it will have to be the couch until I am better.

I also have the tendency to feel quite sorry for myself(Chocolate will cure this I’m told) and I suddenly adopt this really nazal,nagging voice.

I also lose my appetite , so you’ll have to figure out your meals yourself.

I am also prone to cabin fever and I’m told a stack of DVDs,gummy sweets and trashy magazines will cure this, so there’s just a hint of how you can help me.

Apart from the aforementioned issues, I’m quite adorable when I’m sick,but I just thought you should know what to prepare yourself for.

Yours Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I think its important that you know what foods I will not under any circumstances feast upon.

1. Chocolate Ice-Cream

2.Chocolate Mousse

3.Chocolate Instant pudding

4. Chocolate Milkshake

* Please note that I do however eat actual chocolate, its the flavoured rubbish I cannot deal with.

5. Milk

6.Raisins

7.Cabbage

8.Cheese(when its on a burger)

And I think that’s all, I just felt that you should be aware so that when you’re making dinner reservations or actually when you’re making dinner you know what NOT to add to the pot.

Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

It was brought to my attention by a friend that I never mentioned possible ideas for our Honeymoon….

This friend has just returned from a trip to Dubai where a newlywed couple were on their honeymoon…in 45degree weather!

So here are my views, I don’t think a honeymoon should be spent in a place where we will be sweating 24 hours a day, surely we’d like to hold hands on our honeymoon and I assure you ,I will not want to be touched in 45 degree weather!

So might I suggest that if you do pick a sunny location that there is a beach close by where we can cool off or if you pick somwhere where its snowing also ensure that there is a fireplace.

Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

If you are  who I think you are, then I know that your job comes with lots of bow tie events, which is fine I am more than happy to put on  a fancy dress and some nice heels the only problem is I don’t know how to tie  a bow tie or a standard tie for that matter.

So might I suggest you invest in a clip bow tie???? I of course do love the look of a man after an evening of dancing with his bow tie undone hanging around his neck so maybe get the old fashioned bow tie which you can wear just around the house as a turn on.

Sincerely

Tarryn

[Repost] Dear future Husband

Today I had the pleasure of taking an 8year old to school…while I was doing the “school run” it dawned on me that the morning ”school run” is not for me.

So I propose a solution…you my darling husband can drop our kids at school in the morning and I will gladly pick them up in the afternoon, I much rather prefer the afternoon school run, I feel that there is less pressure in the afternoon, the morning run is filled with soccer moms who hang around chatting to each other in their matching velvet tracksuits- which is supposed to look like they’re about workout but no one with hair as coiffed as theirs is about to work out-.. so you see that is by far too much pressure for me, no way am I doing hair and make-up before 8am but that’s another for another letter.

So you do the morning run and I’ll do the afternoon, if that arrangement doesn’t work for you then let’s send them boarding school where we can both collect them every 3 months…..

Sincerely

Tarryn.

Dear Future Husband

I know how men feel about having sons, but I feel that I must confess to you that we will be having daughters.

I know its not my decision to make but I honestly feel like I am going to be a mother to daughters, I hope that our brood will consist of at least one son who will carry on your name and all the rest, and it would be nice to have at least one of each.

The other factor is that the female gene is very strong in my family so I'm guessing that will play a factor.

So don’t throw out your blue baby clothes just yet but I strongly suggest you go and buy some pink.

Sincerely

Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

Like I’ve said in my previous letters I am an actress which means I’m quite a creative person.

I like to write,often the writing bug will bite and then I will need to be left alone with my thoughts and my writing utensils.

I find that I write better when I can see the mountain or the sea,even better when I can see them both (see letter about Noordhoek house),so when the writing bug does bite,I like to get away and just write,I’m just going to go ahead and suggest that we buy a house in the mountains somewhere or by the sea,where I can escape to when the writing bug does bite.

I’m not sure how often the bug will bite it varies but I think a small little cottage somewhere away from the city limits would be ideal.

Give it a thought.

Sincerely,
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

I have not always been a fan of the great outdoors but over the last few years I have grown to love outdoor activities.

I’ve discovered that I quite enjoy hiking in nature reserves,canoeing on lakes etc.

I’m not the kind of woman who takes part in marathons or sporting events but I must admit I love spending time outdoors.

I find it good for the mind,body and soul.

I hope you consider yourself an outdoors man because you’ll be tagging along with me on trips up the mountain.

Sincerely,
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

 have had the misfortune of kissing men, nay Boys, who smoke and chug beer.

Now its not the boys I’m opposed to,its the cigarettes and beer.

I think its important that you know,that I am not a fan of smoking,and if you are a smoker I sincerely hope you quit the habit before you get down on one knee.

Smoking will no doubt leave our house and cars smelling like ashtrays!
But even worse than our house and cars,is the fact I will have to make out with an ashtray!

Now add beer to the mix and I want to throw up!

If you are going to drink beer please chew a stick of gum before engaging in a game of tonsil hockey with me.

Sincerely,
Tarryn

Dear Future Husband

When it comes to terms of endearments I’m not picky but there are some things I just refuse to be called.

For starters DO NOT call me Baby, it is the ONE nickname that annoys me no end! I’m not your baby,I’m you wife.

I’m quite traditional when it comes to terms of endearments, for example Darling, Sweeheart and Honey(if you’re American) are what I prefer the most.

I have been given a host of nicknames by family and friends over the years and you’re more than welcome to use one of those,my favourite being TazWaz.

What would be wonderful though is if you made up you’re own nickname.

Sincerely,
Your Darling Wife Tarryn